Disclaimer: These charas are not mine. They belong to Ms. Constantine. No harm intended...much.

Warnings: AU, smut, angst, some dark, sap, some language.

Pairings: Pellaz/Caeru, hinted Calanthe/Caeru and Pell/Cal/Rue

Rating: NC-17

Summary: On the eve of Feybraihatide, Pellaz confronts his regrets and struggles to find his balance with Rue's help.

Beta: As before, unbetaed. All mistakes are mine.

Spoilers: All six books.

A/N: This, I think, is the last in the trilogy of the Scar 'Verse, but I reserve the right to torment...er play with these guys again. Cross posted to my LJ, raythoo LJ comm, and the Wraeththu Yahoo Group. Feedback is appreciated!

'thoughts'

The sounds of merry making and laughter floated up from the city of Immanion as Pellaz har Aralis, Tigron of the Wraeththu, walked along the halls of Phaonica towards Caeru's rooms. He was dressed in flowing red silk robes lined with gold filigree and his ebony hair was pulled back into a couple of braids that mingled through the raven mane. His face was composed and at ease, completely at war with his feelings inside. He was prepared for the ceremony to welcome in Feybraihatide, but it didn't do anything to calm the raging emotional turmoil he was in that accompanied the knowledge that he had to perform it with Caeru.

Caeru, who had become the embodiment of life renewed thanks to Calanthe.

It was no secret now that Caeru had been restored to who he had been before the nearly fatal attack of Diablo nearly a decade and a half before. Everyhar was talking about it, amazed at how full of life and love Caeru seemed to be now. Many speculated that it was because Pell had finally opened up and appreciated Caeru, but Pell knew that it wasn't true. There was no way that he could have healed Caeru because he didn't love the Tigrina.

But somehar had taken that step and it burned Pell that it had been his own chesnari, Calanthe. Cal, who always scoffed at the rules and did whatever he wanted, had given Rue his life back. Pell didn't know who he was more upset with: them? Or...himself?

Shaking off his thoughts with a quick snap of his head, Pell stepped into Caeru's rooms and looked about. He heard some soft singing and followed it into Rue's dressing room, where he found the Tigrina combing his hair with a happy glow on his face. Pell swallowed hard as he stopped, taken in by the sheer joy that was on his Tigrina's face. 'I didn't put that there. I've never put that there,' he thought bitterly and, to his surprise, despair welled up within him. The past few months had been filled with regrets and thoughts of the past as he'd watched Caeru heal and become the radiant har that he should have been for so long. All thanks to Calanthe.

Rue's eyes suddenly locked with his own within the mirror and a pale manicured eyebrow tilted in query as Caeru placed his brush down. Pell didn't know if he hid his feelings at all because Caeru frowned and tipped his head to the side. "Pell?" The soft concerned inquiry made Pell's insides roil with a mixture of regret and self hate as he remained silent and leaned against the doorjamb while watching Caeru.

With an ease of grace long thought lost, Caeru stood up from his vanity and turned towards Pell. He was dressed in elegant white silks that both clung and hid his figure, forever tantalizing those around as he moved with the sinuous moves of the dancer he was. He strode slowly to Pell and stopped in front of him, concern and wariness vibrating off of him as his gaze traveled over Pell's face searchingly. "Pell? What's wrong?" he asked finally and ran a hand through his hair and down his body, smoothing out any wrinkles.

Feeling his breath catch, Pell's hand shot out and grabbed the slender hand before bringing it up to his face. He locked eyes with Caeru as the Tigrina gasped in shock, but Caeru didn't pull his hand away. "Rue...I'm sorry. I'm sorry for...for everything," he whispered hoarsely after a few minutes of silent contemplation. His fingers laced with Caeru's as the blond's eyes filled with uncertain tears. "I don't deserve your forgiveness, so please don't give it. But..." He trailed off again and bit his lip as it wobbled with his need to cry. Caeru was so gloriously beautiful to him, the epitome of life and harrish beauty. How could he have missed this? "Thank you for doing the ceremony with me," he finally managed and swallowed hard again before letting Caeru's hand go.

Hand falling to his side, Caeru stared at Pell in shock and a fine tremor passed through them both as if they had been shocked. Finally, Caeru took a shuddering breath before forcing a smile. "Shall we go then?" he asked brusquely before striding past Pell out of his room.

Watching Caeru go, Pell tried to steel himself for that night. He had made his choice...they had *all* made their choices a while back. 'There's no point in going backwards,' he thought grimly before following Caeru out to the main Nayati of the city, where the Hegemony had decided the ceremony for Feybraihatide would take place. It was the largest Nayati so more hara could attend if they weren't celebrating privately. Going up the steps, Pell tried to focus and center himself to become the true representative of Feyrahni, but he couldn't. The past was haunting him that night as he watched Caeru walk ahead of him.

They went into the main building and down the hall towards the central outdoor 'arena'. He could hear the chatter of excited hara from all over and stopped. He couldn't do this. He couldn't be something he wasn't to Caeru. He placed a hand on his brow and closed his eyes, trying to find his focus enough so that he would make a convincing show.

A tender brush along his arm made him look up into Caeru's concerned eyes and he found himself swaying as he shook his head as if in denial. "Pell...what's wrong? You've been acting so strange," Caeru asked tenderly as he placed his hand on Pell's shoulder.

"I..." Pell trailed off and swallowed hard again. 'How can I seduce the one whom I've truly hurt the most?' he wondered as he looked back up at Caeru. The soft blue eyes were gentle with worry and encouragement and Pell wanted to laugh at that. There they were, two hara who had always made it a point to hurt the other, and Caeru was showing *him* compassion!

"Hey you two...everyone's waiting."

Pell looked over with Caeru at Cal's call as he came over to them. Cal grinned at them before wrapping an arm around Caeru's waist and kissing the Tigrina softly. "You look beautiful, Rue," he whispered and Pell couldn't stop watching how happy they seemed together.

'Were they ever so happy with me?' Pell wondered as he watched the coy flirting going between his two chesnari. Caeru's face was warm with his smile as his finger played lightly along Calanthe's muscled arm as he listened to whatever Cal was saying to him. When Cal released Caeru and turned to him, Pell took a step back, his inner turmoil so violent he was afraid he was going to do something stupid, like speak.

"Hey...everything ok?" The soft inquiry brought Pell back to the real world as strong arms wrapped around him and held him close to Cal's powerful yet lithe body. Pell gripped the sturdy upper arms of his chesnari and fellow Tigron as he gazed up into Cal's searching gaze. He couldn't answer, his throat tight with sorrow and regret and he knew that Cal would see it. But the blond's gaze didn't fill with sympathy or pity. Instead, it softened with affection and understanding as Cal smiled gently at him. "You'll be fine," Cal whispered firmly and Pell found that he could believe in that. He didn't know why or how, but he could. With a gentle kiss to the forehead, Cal released him before caressing his cheek.

Pellaz blinked as he stared up at Calanthe and felt the power within his chesnari opening up something within him. He swallowed hard again and looked over as a similar caress was bestowed upon his cheek by Caeru, who smiled at him. With a nod and another brief glance up at Cal, Pellaz stepped out of Cal's hold and followed Caeru into the Nayati. He watched then as a power seemed to come over Caeru, making him radiant with lust and seduction and the sounds of the other hara surrounding them faded to nothing as Pellaz focused on Rue. Caeru's arms came up and were brushed over by the silks he wore as he began swaying to an unheard tune that seemed to fill only his and Pellaz' heads. Pellaz, for his part, felt himself become stronger as he strode in and stopped just behind Caeru.

He didn't know what he was doing as he felt a wash of desire and energy flow over him, relaxing him into doing what was needed and wanted. He reached out and delicately ran his hand along Caeru's shoulder and down his arm, teasing him and beckoning him as he swayed around the Tigrina. He smiled softly as he felt Caeru's shudder before the other har twirled away and laughed, his eyes alight with want and teasing before he bent backwards in an incredible display of agility. Pell's own arms came up over his head before caressing downwards as he twisted his body sensuously. He strode forward then and caressed his fingers along Caeru's face tenderly as their lips brushed so lightly it was almost not. Pell could sense Caeru's joy and desire for him as their breath mingled and he felt his control slipping at that simple touch.

Twisting away, he stood with his fists clenched at his sides as he tried to regain his control. But the slow brush of hands over his back broke him more as his robes were removed. He was aroused, fully ouana for Caeru's soume and he longed to swim within Caeru, but his own emotional walls were stopping him as they cracked and crumbled. His eyes locked with the Tigrina's as he came around, one hand on Pell's shoulder as their bodies brushed deliciously close. His arms came up then and wrapped around Caeru, holding him close as their lips brushed again. With a very soft sob, Pell let loose and his emotions, his longing for Caeru, his sorrow and regrets of the past, flooded into his breath as Caeru took his mouth.

But instead of pulling back, Caeru held him closer, sharing his own pain and sorrow and rediscovered joy as they kissed and shared breath. Pell's arms tightened as Caeru's fingers threaded through his hair possessively, their pact silent yet firm as they renewed it on all levels. It was a new day, a new chance, and Pell was *taking it*.

With a growl and a smirk, Pell drew back before kissing down Caeru's neck. The soft moan that left Caeru was all the impetus he needed to continue as he slid the silks from Caeru's body, exposing his beauty and power to the watching hara. Caeru turned and lifted his arms up as his body bent submissively, invitingly as he closed his eyes and Pell pressed closer, molding himself to that slender body with all the need within him. His hands caressed down the pale torso to dip into Caeru's dripping soume-lam and he felt a jolt go through him as Caeru moaned again and pushed down, taking his fingers in deep. He thrust his fingers within Caeru until his chesnari was writhing against him and clinging to his body desperately.

Turning Caeru around, Pell captured his beloved chesnari's lips in a delicious kiss before it immediately deepened into the soul sharing breath that they longed for and their spirits entwined much as their bodies longed to. Finally, Pell knelt down and, after brushing his lips reverently over Caeru's soume-lam, he guided Caeru onto his lap and his ouana-lim, which was pulsing with his need. Caeru bit his lip as he took in the flesh that would have them spiraling into ecstasy and they moaned as one as they became one. Together, they began moving in the ancient rhythm that their ancestors had partaken in and soon were lying out as they plunged towards their peaks.

Pell couldn't believe the power that was spiraling through them and he gasped out Caeru's name with longing before their lips met again. Their spirits twined as they flew higher and higher and suddenly Caeru cried out as he opened up to Pell and they fell. Suddenly, they found themselves floating above the world and looked up to see a small light come towards them. As one, they welcomed the light to them before pleasure and jubilation pushed them into oblivion. With twin shouts of accomplishment, they shuddered together as a thunderclap of power was released with their orgasm. Applause and cheering showered around them, but they only had eyes and ears for each other as they trembled.

As one, Pell and Caeru looked over and smiled at Cal, who was beaming at them with pride, lust, and love. Pell then looked back down at Caeru and kissed him tenderly as their laced fingers came to rest on Caeru's belly. Sometimes healing had to be found in ways that were beyond the eye. For not all scars could be seen to be healed. For once, Pell was glad that he had looked beyond and knew that they were starting again. And this time, he was going to do things right...for all of them.

The End.