DA's Haven

Title: The Sea Doth Wax and Wane.
Author: Deathangelgw
Author email: deathangelgw@hotmail.com
Disclaimer: If I owned them…do you think I'd be WRITING what they were doing?! Nah. Not mine, all Tolkien's. Hope he doesn't come back from the dead…eeee…
Warnings: AU, slash, angst, dark, violence, POV, sap.
Pairing: Cirdan/Maglor
Rating: PG-13.
Summary: Maglor and Cirdan meet…love destined for naught.
Betaed: Thankfully by Ilye.
Notes: This is a gift ficcie for Orchyd Constyne for taking the time and teaching me Elvish! I haven't done any Silm fics ever, so this is a first for me. Just a note that ‘Macalaurë’ is the Quenya version of ‘Maglor’. Thanks to Ilye for making that very excellent point! Enjoy and please review!

The sea churns beneath us, as if as horrified like we are at what has just happened. I can see the ones I has killed…kin…before my eyes and I feel my heart break. I long to wash myself clean; to purge the blood from my skin. But I know that it will always be a part of me.

But now, finally, land comes to us and we take to it. I find that the salty sea has crusted my cheeks with its spray, yet it doesn't stop the tears that fall in sorrow. I am not the only one who regrets our folly in the oath we pledged, but I will not abandon my father…even now.

We step onto the shores after our sorrowful journey through the ice torment of Helcaraxë, but even here we find no solace…no refuge. Thingol banishes us from his sight when he learns of our sin years later, commanding that we Kinslayers go on our search on our own. Father does not take it well and I fear another Kinslaying. I do not wish to take another life. Nor do I wish to go into this strange land that is before us, still so new to us. But go we must, keeping to the shores from which we have come to call home.

The sea calls to me, though, and I follow it one night, content for a bit as I am soothed by the waves breaking onto the sand. I glance up, sensing eyes upon me, and see a vision of silver come from the foaming waves. "Elen síla lumenn' omentielvo," {A star shines on the hour of our meeting.} I say softly in wonder as I see the wise eyes. This one is far older than even my father. Yet I am held in awe at the sheer strength and beauty before me as the nameless one comes from the sea.

I hold my breath as surprise comes to his ancient eyes, as the silvered head is tilted gracefully in curiosity. He speaks in the language that is familiar, yet foreign to me still and I realize that he is from this land as much as I am not. "Manen lambë Quendion ahyanë?" {How did the language of Elves change?}

"Mi limbë tier, vinya quén." {In many ways, new one.} The sea-born Elf's voice fills me with peace and brings a song to my lips as I watch him come to me. His soft gray robes float around his body as if of the waves themselves, while his silver hair caresses his body like a veil of hidden treasures.

Vaguely, I hear his offer to teach me and we sit upon the sand, talking softly and each learning quickly of the other. I find that I pick up the diverse language quickly, for it is not so different from the one that is my native tongue and my previous experience from living near Thingol’s people is still with me. As I learn, I watch his eyes, which seem to sparkle like the sea from the light it reflects. I look for the different hues that signal his pleasure and find myself learning in more determination as the night goes on. Such a delight to see his pleasure and I feel my joy build as I relax. Never have I felt so safe…and never have I wanted the night to last.

But it does not last and so we must part as Anor touches the sea with her delicate fingers of light. I find myself reaching for his hand and holding it, smiling as he smiles gently at me. "Man enetheg, i iston han senaur mi noethen ge?" I ask softly, feeling the heat of a girlish blush come across my cheeks as he gazes at me. (What is your name, that I may know it in my thoughts this day?)

"Cirdan," is his soft reply and my heart floats in the early touches of love at the sound. He smiles again at me and pulls me closer to him until we are but a mere inch apart. "A man faron allen mi eneth ge?" he queries softly, caressing some of my ebony hair behind my ear. (And what may I seek for you in a name?)

"Macalaurë," I reply in a bare whisper. I almost find myself fearing that the sound of the wind and the sea took my answer, but I see his eyes twinkle in that same manner that I had been looking for and know that they did not forsake me. With a parting brush of his hand on my blushing cheek, he steps back and walks down the shore, never looking back. Cirdan…my Cirdan of the sea.

*~~**~~*

{Cirdan POV}

The song of the sea fills my heart much as the song of my heart fills my soul. Macalaurë…the name of the one who came at the sea's calling; drawn as much as I was to that time and place. Macalaurë is my sea. Macalaurë is my song. And yet…he is my betrayer.

His eyes are the color of the stormy sky, light and swirling gray in light and joy, dark and stormy when troubled. He sings softly, calling me with his dulcet tones that are like that of the waves, ever flowing and serene to me. Hair as black as the sky at night before Ithil comes forth to light the way; yet so soft to the touch that I can not get enough of that simplest of joys in touching him and his hair. He is my joy and my sorrow, my soul and my torment, my life and my death.

We have known each other since that first night, never consummating our love in that most sacred of bonds in the fear of losing each other, but rejoicing in being with each other nonetheless. Fear and desperation always seemed to cloud him and now I know why. I had thought to know all of him, yet kept our relationship a secret of my own. But even words cannot escape me…I had hoped he would be the one to tell me these words in truth.

My people worry for me and the rumors of Fëanor and his sons' betrayals of our kin finally came to us through Thingol's warnings. I had thought them nothing. Until I heard Ossë whisper in the night to me as I held my Macalaurë.

"Maglor…son of Fëanor…Kinslayer."

Nay! It can not be that! My heart breaks at the thought for he has betrayed me in the direst of ways! “How can he be a Kinslayer?” I beg of the sea, pleading for it to be naught but words. But the waves tumble in sorrow as they confirm my deepest hurts.

Kinslayer…liar…betrayer.

I can not take it any longer. Tonight I will speak to him of it. Tonight shall see to the truth. Tonight I shall wash away our hidden truths and find out what may or may not be so.

My feet carry me swiftly to the shores, my eyes searching for the one I long for. As I see him, my heart rises swiftly and I hurry ever faster, rushing into his arms as he runs to me as well. We collapse to the sand, holding each other tightly, our hearts beating in time to the other and the sea. How can he be a Kinslayer when he holds my heart?

But the words speak themselves and my heart now breaks as he stiffens in horror at their mere utterance. So…it is true. His gray eyes gaze at me in the deepest of sorrows, but I can not read them as I am drowned in my own. How could he betray me?

I listen not to his words, stumbling away from him as tears of the horror that washes over me streak my cheeks. Thunder rumbles in the distance as the sea churns in my agony as Ossë reacts to my turmoil and I pull away from my love. I scream at him, knowing not what I say even as I turn from him, unable to forgive his crimes against my…our people. I run…run so far into the sea in the hope of drowning that the waves cover my head before I realize it. But the next day finds me on the shore. A new life I must start, yet my heart will never be anyone's. I belong to the sea. No one else shall ever have me.

*~~**~~*

{Maglor POV}

It burns. So many centuries have passed since the night my soul was torn from me and I have felt as though I have been but a shadow of myself. I watched my father die, killed so many of our people, and for what? A jewel that now lies at the bottom of the sea that had rejected me, that is what. If my soul had not been torn to shreds, I am sure it would dance at being free.

But it does not. It never will. The day the sea stole my love away, I lost all meaning in my life. So now, I have returned to the sea, wandering aimlessly as I sing. Sing of what I lost, of my doomed people and family, and sing of my beloved Cirdan. But nothing can fill the holes within my heart and soul and nothing can stop the burning of my punishment.

“Ai, melethen, faeren, ianen aniron ceni len!” (Ai, my love, my soul, how I long to see thee!)

*~~**~~*

{Cirdan POV}

So much death has come to our people. So much loss that my empty heart grieves even still. The sea is my companion and my bane. It warned me of what was to come, yet I could not stop what happened.

Ai, my Macalaurë…your song haunts me now. I last saw you as I left that night centuries ago and the memory shall forever be what I see. Darkness and light…sea and sky…sun and moon. That is what we were. The other halves of each other. But it was thrown away by the secrets we kept…the blood we had spilled. Would that our song could be different.

Even now, after hearing of the demise of the forsaken Jewels, I dare to hope that I will see you. I stare out onto the sea, longing for a vision of your coming. But it is for naught. Never shall we see each other again. I must accept this. But I cannot.

“Mîr-e-gûren a el-en-aear, faeren natha na len uireb. Navaer, melethen.” (Jewel of my heart and star of my sea, forever shall my soul be with you. Farewell, my beloved)

The End