Title: Would It Matter?

Author: Deathangelgw

Author Email: deathangelgw@hotmail.com

Disclaimer: Not mine, no sue…blah blah blah…

Warnings: Suicide contemplation, AU, POV, dark, angst

Rating: PG-13

Pairings: N/A

Summary: Is death an escape or a justification?

A/N: This is something based on a pic I saw drawn by the oh so talented Fiendling. Found here: http://plaza.ufl.edu/nerdling/fiend/contemplation.jpg I saw it and BAM inspiration. This is unbetaed, so any mistakes are mine, but I wanted to share it immediately!! Feedback is much loved and appreciated!!

Will it hurt, I wonder. To fall so far and free…free of any others’ thoughts or expectations. To be free of all my fears and worries. To just be free. Would it matter though?

I sit here on this castle turret, looking down at the place I had once called home and wonder at that. Would it matter if I backed away now and continued on, only to die later at Voldemort’s hands? Would it matter if I just let go and flew, letting myself go into the wind like the birds I try to emulate through my broom flying?

My fingers slip slightly and then tighten. It would seem that my body has not caught up with my heart yet. It wants to live, though not by much. My grip loosens again and I slide a bit forward, smiling a bit as the wind rustles through my hair. A little further…a little further into freedom…

Would it matter so much if I flew to freedom? Would it matter…should it matter? It should, my conscience tells me. It should matter because you would be letting everyone down. Ron…Hermione…Remus…the Weaselys…Neville…Dean…Seamus…everyone. Would Sirius have done it? Would my father or mother have done it?

I feel anger flare through me as my fingers grip the cold stone hard. How would they know? How would any of them know what I feel? They aren’t ‘The Boy Who Lived’! They aren’t ‘The Boy Who’ll Kill Voldemort’! I never asked for this! I never asked to be the one to kill a madman! I just…I just want my family. I want to be loved, to have my first kiss mean something…to have sex, have a family, get through school.

I want to be normal!

But no one understands that. So…would it matter if I died? Would it be that big a deal if I let go now and floated to the sky? Some would mourn maybe, but it wouldn’t last. They would move on…they would find another ‘Savior’…and I would be free.

Would it matter…so close…

One more…slip.

Freedom.

~Fin