Title: Harry Potter Advent Challenge: Tis a Gift. Pt 1/24

Author: Deathangelgw

Disclaimer: They aren't mine, but damned if I didn't wish that they were.

Warnings: AU, POV, bit o angst, sap

Pairings: Dumbledore centric

Rating: PG at the worst…

Summary: Day one of the Advent Challenge-> Dumbledore reflects on a the gifts of his life

Beta: none since I want to get this posted right away, so any mistakes are all MINE!

A/N: This is for an Advent Challenge that I had posted/taken up. Each day will be a different person/pairing from Harry Potter. I'd like to thank Iniquity for keeping this up and wish everyone a blessed Christmas! Enjoy! Please review!

Tis a gift to be a simple…tis a gift to be free. Such simple lyrics to a song that has such meaning. Freedom…the simplicities of life…all of them are important to those in this world, whether Muggle or Wizard. I often wonder though if they are as important as I would like to believe. Time and again, people have shown their want to be controlled, to have their lives taken away, and it is grievous when it happens to be at my hand.

I hold up the glass of wine that I have and feel my lips curve into a sad smile. Ah yes…so many lives have I taken away the simplicities of life and the freedom to live. All in the name of freedom and goodness. What is goodness? What is evil? For in life, are we not all cursed with both in our hearts? If one considers oneself 'good', then how is it that one can take away another's happiness in order to preserve one's sense of 'good'? I find I have asked myself that question many a time as the years have passed.

I stand up slowly and proceed towards the frosted window that looks over the school that I have taken into my care, smiling slightly as Fawkes caws quietly in query as I pass by him. I run my fingers through his soft feathers, feeling my smile widen with tenderness as my sweet Phoenix cuddles my fingers before nipping playfully at them. Here is one that I have in captivity, yet he is free to do as he wishes. He is simply content to be with me…a simple gift.

But not all things are as sweet and easily cared for as my sweet friend. I think back on all the ones that have become now essential to the tide of the war and how I have treated them in the name of ‘good’.

Severus…my once gentle, shy Severus. He came to my school eager to learn and to escape a family life that was less than loving, only to have ended up being tormented by his classmates while I watched. I knew that even if he were to join Voldemort, he would still have the gentle heart within and I would be able to offer him a deal…for ‘good’ once more. And take it he did…to now be in danger with either side. But there is nothing more I can do for him.

Harry…a brave child that lived after a Dark Wizard had struck out to kill him as he had killed Harry’s parents. Another that I placed in surroundings that would eminently ensure his loyalty to me in the time that his destiny would push him into a confrontation that no child should be in. I used him just as I used Severus and, just like Severus, I now must deal with his hatred and grudging loyalty. All for the ‘good’.

I feel a tear roll down my cheek and my age fall onto my weary shoulders to be stacked among my duties and past. So many choices that I made in the name of ‘good’…all of them with consequences, some I couldn’t foresee.

Looking up, I see the snow begin to fall harder, covering my school…my *training ground* for the new soldiers in the battle for ‘good’ and ‘evil’. Yes, I train students to be killed or to kill in this day and age. Just as I couldn’t stop the past from proceeding to this time.

Tom…you were once a good child. I would see it on the days that you would help others. Was it all for another purpose I used to wonder. Now I know that that is what it was. You were much like Harry is now…and I fear of Harry becoming as you are now. I see it in his eyes…the fading of ‘good’ within him. If it weren’t for Hermione and Ron, he would most likely have fallen much faster. But this poisoning for ‘good’…will it bring about his end?

Tis a gift to be simple…tis a gift to be free. Why does it feel that now this gift…is a curse?

~Fin

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