Okay, I had to write this!  It hit me while I was driving and the mere idea made me crack up!

Title: Wufei’s Revenge

Author: Deathangelgw

Disclaimer: The usual sad stuff…. They aren’t mine, much as I wish it.  So get over it.  The lyrics don’t belong to me either.  They belong to the wonderful Shania Twain.

Warnings: PWP, OOC, AU, songfic, fluff, humor, yaoi hints, sap (whoa! How’d that get in there?)

Rating: PG-13 (amazingly!)

Pairings: hehe, for once nothing, but the usual pairings.

Note: I changed the lyrics to fit my own twisted needs.

“lyrics as sung by Wufei”

Wufei sighed.  A nice quiet day had turned into a boring one.  Duo and Heero were sitting together and reading some books, while Trowa and Quatre were quietly talking.  Wufei was torn between envying them…or puking.  They were all so disgusting together.  And yet, Wufei wished sometimes that he had something like they all shared.  Sighing again, Wufei tilted his head back.

Duo looked up at that last sigh and watched Wufei.  Heero followed his gaze and then looked questioningly at Duo.  Duo knew Wufei was lonely.  He was quite a guy, once you got to know him.  Duo had one day found Wufei doing something he never thought he’d see the Chinese boy do.  That had been an eye opening day, Duo mused thoughtfully as an idea began to form.

“Hey!  Do you guys mind if I put in some different music?” he asked as he jumped up.  Quatre and Trowa looked at him, then at each other.  They looked back at Duo and smiled.  Wufei shrugged and Heero gave the same response.  Grinning, Duo ran out and came back with a cd.  Taking out the cd that was currently playing, he replaced it with the one he had retrieved.  After he had found a song he wanted, he hit play.

“I’m going out tonight, I’m feeling alright…” Duo started to belt out to the music.  He sauntered over to Wufei and, after some cajoling, had Wufei joining him in the center of the room.  They danced and sang to the song and, when the song ended, Duo skipped it ahead to another song.

When the music began again, Wufei’s eyes widened and then a smirk spread on his face.  He put his hands on his hips and then swaggered seductively over to Heero, who was watching the transformed Wufei with a bemused expression on his face.

“I’ve known a few guys who thought they were pretty smart

But you’ve got being right down to an art

You think you’re a genius you drive me up the wall

You’re a regular original…a know-it-all.”

As Wufei sang to Heero, he ran his fingers lightly up Heero’s chest. He then ran his fingers along Heero’s jawline and held his chin so that Heero’s eyes locked with his own.  Smiling seductively, Wufei leaned in.

“Oh-oo-oh, you think you’re special

Oh-oo-oh, you think you’re something else.

Okay, so you’re the Perfect Soldier

That don’t impress me much.”

As he sang that, Duo started to laugh as Heero’s eyes widened.  Wufei smirked and stepped back.

“So, you got the brain, but have you got the touch

Now, don’t get me wrong, yeah I think you’re alright

But that won’t keep me warm in the middle of the night

That don’t impress me much.”

Wufei licked his lips and smirked at the confused look in Heero’s eyes.  He then sauntered over to where Trowa was sitting.  Quatre had moved to a different spot to get a better view and was watching as Wufei circled Trowa’s chair, his hand on Trowa’s chest and shoulder.  Wufei leaned in so that he was near Trowa’s ear and began again.

“I never knew a guy who carried a mirror in his pocket

And a comb up his sleeve…just in case

And all that extra hold gel in your hair oughtta lock it

Cause Heaven forbid it should fall outta place.”

Wufei moved so that he was sitting on the arm of the chair.  He looked down at Trowa and licked his lips when he saw the amused smirk on Trowa’s lips.  Quatre and Duo were both smirking and trying hard not to laugh as they watched the transformed Wufei tease Trowa.  Heero, recovered from the mild insults that had been thrown at him from the Chinese boy, also watched, amused.

“Oh-oo-oh, you think you’re special

Oh-oo-oh, you think you’re something else

Okay, so you’re Trowa Barton

That don’t impress me much.”

Wufei stood up and stood facing Trowa, his hands running playfully along his chest and neck.  Trowa watched, smirking, and raised his eyebrows.  Wufei smiled and continued.

“So you got the looks, but have you got the touch

Don’t get me wrong, yeah I think you’re alright

But that won’t keep me warm in the middle of the night.

That don’t impress me much.”

Wufei tossed his head and winked at Trowa and then sauntered over to where Quatre was sitting.  Quatre sat back and watched as Wufei swung his hips sexily as he walked over.  Wufei came up to him and placed one hand on either side of Quatre’s blond head, framing him and placing Wufei very close to Quatre’s face.  Quatre glanced nervously at Wufei and smiled slightly when he saw the twinkle in the dark eyes that stared at him.

“You’re one of those guys who likes to shine his machine

You make me take off my shoes before you let me come in

I can’t believe you kiss your Gundam good night

Now, c’mon baby, tell me…. you must be joking, right!”

Duo started laughing again as he saw the startled look on Quatre’s face.  Wufei moved so he was behind the blond.  He ran his hands down and then back up Quatre’s chest.

“Oh-oo-oh, you think you’re special

Oh-oo-oh, you think you’re something else

Okay, so you’ve got Sandrock

That don’t impress me much.”

Wufei moved to the front of Quatre again and did what he had done to Trowa.  Quatre grinned and put his elbows on his knees, mockingly watching the show and licking his lips.

“You think you’re cool, but have you got the touch

Don’t get me wrong, yeah I think you’re alright

But that won’t keep me warm on the long, cold, lonely night.”

As Wufei sang each word, he ran one hand down his torso and thigh and then back up slowly and seductively.  The other pilots found themselves reacting as they watched Wufei saunter over to the culprit who had started the show.

“That don’t impress me much.”

Wufei circled the mesmerized American and then came up behind him.  He slowly ran his hand down Duo’s chest to his pantsline and then back up. Duo’s breathing increased and he found himself anxiously waiting to see what the black haired beauty was going to do next.

“Okay, so what do you think you’re Maxwell or something…”

Wufei pulled away and sauntered over to the doorway.  He turned around and smirked at the slightly lustful looks he was getting from the other four pilots.  He leaned against the doorjamb and looked at them.

“Whatever.

That don’t impress me much.”

The song done, Wufei winked, blew them a kiss, and walked out.  The other pilots just stared at where the playful Chinese boy had been in bewilderment and disappointment.  Duo cleared his throat and said, “Well, Wufei has left the building.”

~Owari

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