Author: Deathangelgw

Disclaimer: These handsome bishies aren’t mine; I just use them to create a nice world for you people.  Don’t sue, not worth it.  The song “Human Touch” is also not mine. It belongs to Warren Wiebe and the Gundam Creators. (cool, huh!)

Warnings: songfic, Trowa POV, yaoi hints, lime, sap, angst (some…can’t handle a lot), PWP, OOC, AU.

Pairings: 2x3 hinted 1x5, 1+2, 3+4

Rating: PG-13

Note: Thanks go to Sophonisba, Kallie Drake, and Vinyl for helping me pick a pairing.  I love how everyone can be so helpful!  *gives warm huggles to everyone* Anyhoo, enjoy!!

Feedback: Please!

lyrics

Can I find the words to tell you

How I live between the walls of steel and stone.

How I close my eyes to find some kind of rapture

In a world where you can feel so all alone

Have you ever found yourself at a complete loss of words to describe someone?  I mean, you try to tell a friend how you feel about someone else and just…. can’t.  Quatre is such a good friend.  He listens to me and tries to help me, but let’s face it.  It’s up to me to tell him how I feel.

So, I try to talk to him.  My tongue dries up and all the words get stuck in my mouth.  He smiles and we end up talking about other stuff.  It always ends up that way.  Though we do have good conversations.  Ever since the war, we became close friends. But it isn’t enough for me.  I want to hold him, kiss him, and tell him I love him.  Do you understand? I wish I did.  He has a way of doing that to me.  He can be so carefree and caring, and, yet, there is a side to him that I think I may be the only one to have seen.  He can be serious and gentle, which is probably what attracted me to him in the first place. 

At first, I was afraid.  He tried to be my friend, tried to help me, but I didn’t remember him.  I then hurt him later, at the MarieMaia base, trying to protect him.  It tore me up inside, but I never showed it.  I never show my emotions, not even around my best friend, Quatre.  But, he does show most of his emotions.  Not all of them.  The others he keeps under a mask.  Like me.  Only, mine is suffocating.

Inside I’m full of light and laughter

There’s a flame that burns in me

I need a way to set it free

I asked him one time if he was in love with Heero.  He looked at me, surprised and then smiled his beautiful smile.  He said that he and Heero were very good friends and nothing more.  He then looked at me with a smirk gracing his face and asked if I knew that Heero and Wufei were going out.  I must’ve had a funny look on my face because he burst out laughing.  You would too if you just heard the news that shouldn’t have happened.  Wufei and Heero?  Who’d da thunk?  Those two were probably the most stubborn people that I knew and that they were dating certainly was cause for surprise.  And, a small glimmer of hope.  If Duo and Heero weren’t dating, that meant that Duo was free and I may actually have a chance.

Oh, who am I kidding!  He could never love me!  I don’t even have the courage to tell Quatre how I feel about him.  How would I tell Duo how I feel?  So, I just closed my mouth and grinned after Duo had finished laughing at my facial expressions and hid my fear and hope from him.

When you find love in your heart

You can believe from the start

Dreams they come true

It all comes to you, oh all at once

If you believe in human touch

I finally told Quatre a few days later and he has been helping me try to tell Duo.  I was very grateful, but it just wasn’t working.  Duo had a way of totally throwing me off guard and then, I’d lose my nerve.  One of these days, I’ll tell him I love him.  But, I guess until then, I’ll settle for being his friend.  I just wish I could tell him.

I remember one day when Quatre had asked me what it was about Duo that caught me.  I stumbled to reply, but for a few minutes, I couldn’t answer.  How do you describe what Duo is?  He is laughter, life.  He is genuine and honesty.  He is brave and attentive.  He can be solemn, sad.  I have seen so many different sides to him that I don’t know what it was that first attracted me to him.  It was funny, but everyone thought that Quatre and I would end up being together, but after a few experiences, we decided to stay friends.  With Duo, it’s different.  Sometimes, when we are alone, it’s almost like he and I are on the same wavelength.  We sit quietly, saying nothing, doing nothing.  And then, he’ll lean his head on my shoulder.  The trust in that gesture touches a part of me that I thought dead and that is what I think is the most precious thing that I hold for Duo.  He trusts me to be there to catch him and he understands me.  Well, most of me.  He could never understand the killer part of me; the part that killed the rest of my soul as it grew.  Or so I thought.  But, being with Quatre and Duo revived that little ember within me that respects and cherishes life.  That can love and feel.

I see wanting in your eyes

And I wonder will I always think of you

Do we simply find ourselves awakening

As angels touched the heartstrings of our souls

“Hey Trowa.  Can we talk?” Duo’s voice chimed in like a light song.  I looked up from my book and saw an interesting expression on his face.  He looked both concerned and curious as he came and sat on my bed, where I had been reading a book.  I sat up and faced him, nervous and curious myself as to why he looked the way he did.

“What’s up, Duo?  Something wrong?” I asked quietly, trying to control my apprehension.  I didn’t know why I was acting this way, but for some reason, Duo’s expression really concerned me.

Duo looked down and then brought his eyes back up to look me in the eye and took a deep breath.  “Yeah Trowa.  There is something I want to ask you,” he said softly and then smiled.  I found myself smiling back, thrown off guard again by his soft beauty.  “Trowa, how do you tell someone that you care for them?”

The question was asked innocently, but my mind was thrown for a loop.  Does he know?  No, how could he know?  Quatre had said he wouldn’t tell; that it was up to me to tell him.  But, how could Duo have known?  And then, it hit me.  It wasn’t for me that he was asking.  It was for someone else. It must be.  I was too late. 

I swallowed hard, trying not to let the disappointment show as I looked down, avoiding those beautiful eyes.  “Well, you should try to be honest with them.  I guess, for you, you could tell them straight out, or you could try to find out if they cared for you,” I answered softly.  This was coming from a man who couldn’t tell the one he cared for how he felt.  If I had been Duo, I’d have snorted in disdain at my hypocritical words.  But, I’m not Duo and now I’ve lost my chance.

I swallowed again at those bitter thoughts, determined not to let Duo know how I felt now that he had found someone.  I wanted him to be happy.  If you truly love someone, you can let them go for their own good.  I didn’t raise my head, fearful that my feelings would show and waited for his response.

We can find a way to break the madness

Take my hand and come with me

To a place where we can feel

We sat that way for a couple of minutes and then he did something that I will never forget.  He took his hand and gently placed it under my chin.  He lifted my face so that we were looking into each other’s eyes.  I stared into his beautiful violet gems and his stared into mine.  He then, so softly that I had to strain to hear him, asked, “Then why haven’t you said anything?”

I just stared at him, confused.  He must have noticed this because he scooted closer, without moving his hand, and repeated his question.  I still didn’t answer.  What could I say?  “I am a coward…I didn’t want to lose you…. I thought that you’d laugh at me?”  You can’t just come out and say these things.  Especially if they are lame excuses, which they were.

He smiled slightly and then ran a finger lightly along my jawline and cheek.  Wet?  My cheeks were wet?  Am I crying? I’m crying!  Oh, how embarrassing!  Just as I was about to pull back, I realized what he had said and what he was doing.  Duo…. cares for me? Is this a dream?

I must’ve had a funny look on my face because Duo chuckled lightly as he continued to caress my face gently.  I felt myself smile, a real smile.  Not a smirk or a grin, but a genuine smile.  He smiled back and then leaned in.  I held my breath, not wanting to wake up if this was a dream and also not wanting to scare away this angel.  Slowly, Duo leaned in and then gently, so gently, pressed his lips to mine. 

I couldn’t believe it!  I, at first, just sat there, unsure.  But then, I pressed back.  Something inside of me was yearning for this, craving it.  He moved the hand that was on my face so that it was on the back of my neck, pulling me closer to him, deepening the kiss.  When we stopped and broke apart for air, we just looked at each other.  I didn’t know what to say as I stared into those violet depths.  He then moved so that he was sitting in my lap and our faces were closer.  He never broke eye contact; he seemed to think that that was important.  He leaned his forehead in so that it was touching mine and we just stared at each other.

When you find love in your heart

The light in your eye is a star

Change that you feel helps you to heal from all the rest

If you believe in human touch

“Why didn’t you say anything, Trowa?” he asked me gently.  How such a gentle tone could come from this man who loves to dance and shout in the wind eluded me, but I didn’t care.  The very fact that the tone was just for me made my heart soar.  I slowly moved my arms so that they were wrapped around his waist.  I went slowly because I didn’t want to scare him.  Or maybe it was because I still couldn’t believe that he was sitting in my lap, looking into my eyes, and caressing my face.  His touch was so intoxicating, just as I knew it would be.  I looked into his eyes, unsure how to answer and also, unsure if I wanted to.  If I opened my mouth, would I say the right thing?  Or would I freeze like always?

Oh well, here goes.  I opened my mouth as I looked away from his eyes, but he stopped me.  He brought my face back so that we were again looking at each other and looked at me expectantly.  I took a deep breath and then said quickly, “I didn’t say anything because I was afraid that you would not believe me and then leave.”

After that escaped my lips, I shut my mouth and dropped my head, avoiding his gaze.  I knew he must be angry with me.  Let’s face it: I was angry with me.  I, who had piloted fiercely the Gundam Heavyarms, risked my life needlessly multiple times, and had lived as a mercenary, had the lamest excuse in the world for not saying anything to a man I truly loved and respected.  A man who was as honest as the stars above.  I couldn’t look at him and I dropped my arms from around his waist, expecting to be blasted.  But, he surprised me yet again.  H e brought my head up and then kissed me again, fully and deeply.  I kissed him back, trying to memorize his taste so that I would know what it was like to kiss him.  But, he didn’t stop there.  He took his hands and began to caress first my neck and then down my chest.  His mouth opened and he gently ran his tongue along my lips, seeking entrance.  Hesitantly, I opened my mouth and allowed his tongue entrance.  He tantalized my mouth and I moaned softly into his, allowing my own tongue to enter his waiting mouth.  He moaned as I copied his actions, spurring me to wrap my arms around his waist once more.  He wasn’t leaving and he was asking me for something that I had wanted to share with him for as long as we had known each other.

Tell me that your love will last forever

Take your hand and touch my face

Oh, the warmth of your sweet embrace

He pulled back slightly and I looked at him concerned.  He was panting slightly, as was I, but whether it was for the same reason, I didn’t know.  He leaned his forehead against mine again and used his own face to caress mine.  I closed my eyes as I reveled in this simple gesture.  He hugged me closer and then whispered in my ear, “Idiot. You always hide behind that mask, but I know that you have a heart.  I’ve seen it.”  He pulled me closer, stroking my hair and my face.  I hugged him tightly, still not believing that he really cared. 

“Don’t leave me, Duo.  I don’t want to be alone anymore,” I whispered, my soul finally getting a voice.  He responded with the sweetest kiss that was in existence.  We melted into each other, exchanging parries with our tongues, caressing and touching until we couldn’t stand it anymore.  Duo gently ran his hands up my torso, under my shirt, and then pulled my shirt up over my head.  I shakily unbuttoned his shirt, nervous and excited at the same time.  I couldn’t believe this was happening!  I bet that I’ll get to the same part and I’ll wake up, like always.  But, it felt so real, and as we continued, I knew for certain that it was real.  Nothing this heavenly could possibly be just a dream, no matter how good the imagination!

I undid his braid and reveled in the silky texture.  His hair was like his soul, tied up to stay out of the way from danger, but when it was loose, it flowed free and fine.  He bent his head and kissed along my neck and chest, nipping occasionally and suckling tenderly.  His hands caressed my back as my hands caressed his and our lips once again met in a soul-searing kiss. 

When you find love in your heart

Nothing can tear it apart

Not man or steel

Nothing is real except for love

If you believe in human touch

We held each other in the aftermath of our lovemaking, sated and content.  I nuzzled my face into his neck, memorizing his smell, the feel of his body next to mine, and the knowledge of what we had just done.  I looked up and our eyes met once again.  He smiled gently as he caressed my face tenderly.  “Never doubt yourself, Trowa.  You have a beautiful soul and I want you to know that for always,” he said to me in that tone that was for me and only me.  I smiled back, tilting my head so that his hand caressed my face again inadvertently.

“Duo, you bring out my humanity and my soul with your human touch.  I love you,” I whispered and he leaned in and pressed a kiss to my forehead and then we cuddled together and fell asleep, content and together.

If you believe in Human Touch

~Owari