Author: Deathangelgw
Disclaimer: the song and the bois aren’t mine, so don’t
even start wit me!
Warnings: AU, Wufei POV, songfic, angsty, dark, some
language, shounen-ai, hints of yaoi, sap. It’s not pretty people…
Pairings: 5x13x5, hinted 6x5 and 6x13
Rating: PG-13
Note: This is for the GWA 2002 Angst contest….and something
I’ve been meaning to do! It was another hit me write me kind of thing. ~_^ Ah,
must make note that this is my first shot at a 5x13x5 type thing…enjoy!
Feedback: Muchos appreciated!
/Lyrics/
/Sitting here wasted and wounded
at this old piano
trying hard to capture the moment
this morning I don't know/
The liquid just burns its way down my throat. Sometimes, I
wish it could burn away my grief, but then, why should fate be so kind? First,
it sent us into this stupid war, supposedly for glory and honor. But instead,
what do we get?
Heartache…. loss….loneliness.
Damn fate to hell. It can burn there right along with any
gods that might be out there. And for all I know….I’ll probably join them
someday.
/’Cause a bottle of vodka still lodged in my head
and some blond gave me nightmares,
I think that she's still in my bed
As I dream about movies
they won’t make of me when I'm dead/
Another shot….another refill. I don’t know how often I’ve
spent my nights here since the end of the war…since your death. I don’t know how
many more nights I’ll spend here either. Maybe one day, I’ll wake up and not
feel my heart rend with your soft good bye before your mobile suit
explodes…impaled by my own trident.
Swallowing some more of the liquid that I keep on trying to
drown away my heartache, I fail to notice another person sit next to me. I find
my shot glass has become an interesting object….much more interesting then my
memories of the past.
Treize…my lover….all I can think of is you. And how I never
told you my true feelings.
/with an ironclad fist I wake up
and French kiss the morning
while some marching band keeps
its own beat in my head while we're talking/
Morning…why does it always have to be so bright and
cheerful? Life isn’t cheerful…it’s just there. You learn to breathe with each
day, wondering if you will eat….living.
Things that I’ve learned to despise. There’s no point now,
Treize. Why can’t I just die? I miss you so much…
As I look around, barely able to focus on my surroundings,
I notice that I’m not alone. Platinum blond hair, ice blue eyes…Zechs
Merquise. How ironic…the one who should have died…is alive. Seems to be our
fate.
/about all of the things that I long to believe
about love and the truth
and what you mean to me
and the truth is…baby, you're all that I need/
Seeing the blond is like a fresh stab into the wound that
is always bleeding inside of me. Who other than the cause of the battle that
ended it all? He should have died….not you. You were so loving and noble,
making people realize what they should have been…should have done with their
lives….
Not dying at my hand! Why Treize?! Why did you have to
fight me?! Or better yet, why didn’t you kill me?! I’m worthless! A useless
child who thought to be an avenging and self righteous warrior….what a fool.
What stayed your hand? You’ve defeated me before….what
stayed you from doing it?! You purposely did that move! You knew I’d block and
attack you! WHY?! I…I…
I didn’t think I would win….or love you.
/I wanna lay you down on a bed of roses
for tonight I'd sleep on a bed of nails
I wanna be just as close as
the Holy Ghost is
and lay you down on a bed of roses/
My mind must have been in my thoughts once more, so lost
was I to the past that I fail to hear Zechs ask me a question. Somehow, I look
at him without letting any tears fall or bitterness show and ask an intelligent,
“Huh?”
His smile…it is soothing. I find myself relaxing into my
despair once more as he asks me gently, “How do you feel?”
How do I feel?! Other than the fact that the man I
loved…the man I murdered…is not there to hold me…lay me down beneath him…love me
with his tender eyes and loving lips….
Yes…how do I feel? How do you describe losing half of your
soul, piercing it yourself with your own weapon and knowing that it was your
weakness that destroyed it? How do you explain the agonizing longing to have
the one person who is now in a place filled with beauty…for there would be no
other place for you, my Treize.
/Well I'm so far away
each step that I take is on my way home
a king's ransom in dimes I'd give each night
just to see through this payphone/
I say nothing though, so deep in my hatred and despair that
I can find no outlet. The only outlet is drinking, drowning my sorrows as they
say. Never before has that saying been so true. But how would he understand?
He didn’t kill his lover with his own hands…
Zechs frowns at me, but I am beyond caring now. I stand up
slowly, finding that the room is spinning as I stand woozily. He tries to help
me, but I push aside his assistance. Why should I get help when I ask for
none…he doesn’t know my pain….he could never know my pain.
/still I run out of time
or it’s hard to get through
till the bird on the wire flies me back to you
I'll just close my eyes and whisper
baby blind love is true/
How could I have thought that I was worth anything? I not
only lost my colony, but I lost my way and my lover. All because I couldn’t
decide on what was just….what was integrity.
Fool…that is what I am. For if I would have looked past my
childishness….I would have seen that you knew the whole time what I was
searching for.
As the song says….I should mark it down to learning.
Though…I long to lay you in a bed filled with the roses you love instead of
sleeping in the bed that is filled with lies….the lies of my existence.
/I wanna lay you down on a bed of roses
for tonight I'd sleep on a bed of nails
I wanna be just as close as
the Holy Ghost is
and lay you down on a bed of roses/
I feel a hand stop my forward progress and look to see
concerned blue eyes gazing at me. “Why don’t you stay for a bit?” Zechs asks. I
feel a frown cross my lips as I glare at him.
I must admit though, I am impressed that he doesn’t back
down. Maybe I lost everything else when I lost you…or maybe he has the same fire
as you saw in me. Is that what you saw in the both of us, my beloved? And…is
that why Zechs is here now….because you want him to save me?
It’s too bad he’s wasting his time…
/The hotel bar hangover whiskey's gone dry
the barkeeper's wig's crooked
and she's giving me the eye
I might have said yeah
but I laughed so hard I think I died/
I find myself drowning once more, though the tequila
doesn’t seem to be helping me that much. My thoughts seem to be as dark as
ever. I hear someone sit down next to me and look over to see Zechs ordering a
brandy old fashioned. I feel a sneer cross my face. “What? Are you following
me?” I hear myself slur out, anger in my eyes.
Zechs sips at his drink as he looks at me. “No…I’m making
sure that Treize doesn’t die permanently,” he replies in that noble soft way of
his.
A derisive snort is my response as I return to my drink,
which has been subtly refilled. What does he know? You died on the
battlefield….as a warrior should.
Just….why did you have to die by my hands?
I gesture for another drink, but that irritating blond
stops me. He gives me this look as he says, “That’s enough, Wufei. Time to go.”
Ignoring him doesn’t seem that hard, but alcohol has a
tendency to cause misjudgments. I find myself suddenly swung over his shoulder
and carried off out of the bar. The barkeep waves good bye as my howls of
protest reach him and the other patrons. I’m carried rather unceremoniously up
to an apartment. It’s not mine, of that I am certain, so it must be Zechs’. He
takes me to his bedroom and lays me out. We stare at each other intensely, not
moving…searching for that hidden connection.
/Now as you close your eyes
know I'll be thinking about you
while my mistress she calls me
to stand in her spotlight again/
The moon is so lovely. I’d forgotten what it looked like
from Earth. The wind is fresh on my face, blowing my loose hair around as I
stand on the balcony of Zechs’ home, clad in only a tailored shirt. Still, even
after what went on with me and Zechs, I still feel you near me. I still feel my
thoughts traveling back to when we were together and happy…and to when I killed
you.
I hear something behind be and look to see Zechs watching
me. His eyes…they are as dark as the night sky and just as unreadable and
clear. “Come back to bed, Wufei?” he asks softly and I turn back to the moon. I
just can’t go on like this…there is no meaning to my life anymore.
/tonight I won't be alone
to know that don't mean I'm not lonely
I've got nothing to prove
for its you that I'd die to defend/
I miss you, my General. You were my strength and my reason
for being. You gave me a reason to fight…and died because of it. And for that
reason alone, I don’t think I can ever forgive myself and move on.
As I lay with Zechs, wondering if he was brought to me for
the same reasons, I find myself thinking about any of the joy I’d had in my
life. Most of it I realize…involved battle and war. My wife, Meiran, you…even my
so-called allies, the other pilots. They were all brought to me and taken from
me by war and battle. But only the ones I loved were truly taken from me…killed
because of me.
/I wanna lay you down on a bed of roses
for tonight I'd sleep on a bed of nails
I wanna be just as close as
the Holy Ghost is
and lay you down on a bed of roses/
I want to die Treize. I can’t do this anymore. I long to
be with you…to love you. Your memory is not enough.
The battle calls for me, my love. Perhaps…I shall be lucky
enough and soon join you….as a warrior and your Dragon.
OWARI
