Title: Meaning of Loneliness
Author: Deathangelgw
Disclaimer: They aren’t mine, they’re theirs. No sue.
Warnings: AU, POV, angst, dark, OOC (slight?)
Rating: PG
Pairings: implied 3x4
Note: Um, this is based somewhat on real life. I am kinda
unsure on the POV, take a wild guess….I just needed to write it.
Feedback: ‘Twould be nice.
I watch as he laughs at a joke. He has such a wonderful
smile and a kind heart. I often find myself just staring into his eyes and
saying jokes to hear his soft laugh. But then, he turns away and does some
sweet thing for the one he is truly in love with. I don’t know why I do this,
pondering the impossible. They are both my best friends and I would never hurt
them.
But, I can remember all the conversations we shared, all of
the times he was there to hold me and chase away the darkness. He always is
trying to get me to open up, to talk about my problems. I know he wants to
help, but I also believe that if I share what’s wrong, I’ll end up hurting him.
He always denies it, saying that’s what friends are for. But, I can’t.
How do you explain the emptiness inside of you? The
darkness that threatens to overwhelm you in the middle of the night? How do you
explain your reasons for hiding the sorrow and pain when you don’t even know
them yourself?
We all wear masks in life. Some of us wear them
temporarily. But for others of us, we can’t even tell where the mask begins.
You try to hide all the bad under this mask, but, eventually, it breaks. What
do you do when it breaks? Who do you turn to?
He was there for me when my mask cracked. He held me as I
cried and didn’t let me fall. But, as always happens, I hid it all again and
became the happy person everyone sees. Trustworthy, supportive, strong…yep,
that’s me.
At night, I stare at the mirror and wonder at the person
that I see. Is this the real me? Or, is it a mask? I know that he doesn’t
know. Neither does Quatre, who cares so much as well. They both think they
know me, but even said that my mask was too deep, too thick. So, they try once
more to believe that I’ll talk, hoping that I’ll open up and let it out.
Everyone is looking for that special someone in life. They
say that it’ll happen when you least expect it. Or, if you believe in God, that
He’ll send the right one to you. God must have a strange sense of humor. Why
do I say this? Because, why would He send someone whose heart has already been
taken by someone else?
I don’t know why I try. Maybe it is because of that one
thing that gives a ray of light to the darkness. When he looked me in the eye
and held me, saying, “I don’t know if I’ve told you this, but you mean a lot to
me. I love you and will always be there for you.” Oh my Trowa. I love you
too. If only to chase away the loneliness.
~Owari
