Title: Five Pilots and a Baby pt. 5/?

Authors: Deathangelgw and Sarit

Disclaimer: we don’t own the boys, but boy are we gonna have fun with them!!!

Warnings: AU, shounen-ai, angst, sap, fluff, a little bit darker in this one….

Rating: PG

Pairings: They’re all good friends, but there is more in the 2+/x5 section and hints of 1+4+3

Note: le sigh….here we were hoping for nice fun and such and we go angsty!! Well…not totally… Enjoy and please review!!

‘thoughts’

Stretching, Duo looked out the window of the kitchen, watching grumpily as the sun began to rise.  He looked behind him, his hair once more in its customary braid as he looked at his fellow friends.  "Who wants eggs and bacon?!"

"It's been made for a while." Trowa said as he gestured to the table where breakfast was cooling.

Wufei growled softly as he fed Shaina. "Well isn't this lovely...."

"Eh?" Duo turned, then all but pounced onto the table and made himself a plate.  "Awesome!" He blinked, looking around as he noticed Shaina.  "Where's Heero?  I thought he'd be here."

"I don't know." Quatre sighed, looking from Trowa, to the little girl as she happily sucked on her bottle. Wufei and Trowa looked at each other silently before looking down at what was occupying them. Neither said anything as they ate.

"Well?  I know you guys know what's going on." Duo growled, after swallowing a forkful of eggs.  He narrowed his eyes slightly, then looked out the window.  "Where is he?"

"On a mission." Trowa finally said softly before eating some more of his cereal. Wufei frowned darkly as he rocked Shaina while she ate.

"Mission my ass!  He's hiding!" Duo complained, knowing full well that none of them had a mission coming up.  He scowled, but frowned as Quatre shook his head.

"Heero has some things to sort out, Duo.  Let's leave him alone for awhile.  He'll come back." Quatre said softly, hoping his words were true.

"Whatever." Wufei said shortly as he patted Shaina on the back to burp her.

Trowa sighed softly and shook his head. "I have to go fix up Heavyarms." He said as he got up and put his dishes in the sink. Quatre sighed, mumbling something about working with the Maganacs as he got up and headed out the door. 

Once they were gone, Duo arched an eyebrow at Wufei.  "Why do I suddenly feel very worried?"

Wufei shrugged silently as he got up. "I'm going to go check if we do have any missions and contact that person. I'll help with dishes when I get back." He said, not looking at Duo.

"Yeah, whatever." Duo sighed, turning back to the sink to work on the dishes.  He knew Heero was just hiding from his feelings.  He just wished things could, and would, get better for them.  Especially for little Shaina.

Wufei came back into the room an hour or so later, having just put Shaina down for an early nap. He sighed and found Duo, then flopped down next to him. "I made contact and my friend knows a few people who are very good people and could take her into a good home. She just says to call when the time comes." He said quietly as he stared up at the ceiling.

"That's good." Duo said absently as he sat on the couch.  He looked at the television, not really seeing it.

"No interrogation?" Wufei asked, trying to be teasing. But his heart just wasn't in it. "It took her a while to get to sleep. She kept crying...I wish I knew what Heero did to get her to sleep..." He said with a sigh, unconsciously holding Duo's hand.

"I can tell ya.  He was himself with her." Duo said softly, keeping his eyes lowered as he stared at the ground.  "He's hiding...and we both know it."

Shrugging awkwardly, Wufei frowned. "What can we do about it? It's his choice. Perhaps if we hadn't have pushed him..." He trailed off, frowning at the thought.

"We didn't push him, Wufei.  All we did was state the obvious and he freaked." Duo said mournfully, sighing as he looked down again.

"And that goes against perimeters of the mission." Wufei said sarcastically then sighed softly. "It has to be something else..."

"I don't know.  Quat did say something about him getting some personal info out of Heero.  Maybe he's afraid to let his training go." Duo growled softly to himself.  "Let's face it, Heero's scared."

"If so...then he must deal with it. But...how much do you want to bet that it also has something to do with our lack of destiny after all of the battles?" Wufei said darkly as he glared at the ground.

"Like I said, he's scared.  He believes at the end of all this he'll die.  Shaina presents life, not death and he’s scared shitless to live." Duo growled, his brows furrowed angrily at that revelation.  "Heero really needs to get a clue."

"So do we all, it would seem. But...it won't matter after a while." Wufei said with a sigh as he got up. He stretched, then went into the kitchen to make lunch.

"Maybe." Duo said after Wufei left.  He sighed, looking out the window at the hanger.  Getting up, he decided to go check up on Deathscythe.  He suddenly wished this were all over with as he made his way to the hanger.

Trowa looked up as he heard footsteps and stopped his repairs. "Come to check on Deathscythe?" He asked quietly.

"Yeah." Duo said absently, climbing up the black mobile suit.  He gazed at his mecha, biting the inside of his cheek thoughtfully.

"Want to talk?" Trowa asked as he got back to work on his Gundam.

"Nah, I'm cool.  You okay?" Duo asked absently, smiling over at Trowa as he patted Deathscythe as he stood up on the hatch.

Nodding silently, Trowa concentrated on his calibrations, then sighed softly. "Actually...I'm worried about Quatre and what was said last night." He said as he stopped.

"Oh?  Like what?" Duo frowned, stopping, as he had just been about to go into his Gundam.  He looked over at Trowa in concern.

Frowning lightly, Trowa looked over at Duo. "Something personal...but he wouldn't say exactly what. And also that Heero would make a good father. I think Heero also talked some about his past...but about what...I know not."

"Shit.  And Heero goes running off.  Just great." Duo grumbled to himself, sitting on the edge of the hatch and swinging his legs.  "This just gets better and better all the time!"

"I know..." Trowa said grimly as he went back to work.

"Well shit!  Someone is going to have to get Heero then.  This is just stupid." Duo retorted, sitting back as he let his braid dangle down the side of the hatch as he turned around.

"Go ahead and find him if you can." Trowa's voice floated out in amusement as he went farther into his cockpit.

"Hey!  I didn't say I'd go looking for him.  You can." Duo smirked, grinning smugly as he winked.  "I'll go find Q, since he appears to be hiding as well."

Chuckling softly, Trowa waved a hand out of his gundam. "Just watch that first step."

"WhatEVER!!" Duo snorted, coming to his feet and bouncing into his Gundam.  He left a message with Wufei on his com, then started up Deathscythe and headed towards the desert. Trowa chuckled softly, then went back to work, intent on getting back for lunch soon.

~**~~**~

Midnight...it was silent and gentle, filled with sleep for troubled hearts. A shadow crept towards the house and eased into it silently, making sure to keep as quiet as possible as it moved fluidly in. Stealthily, it went up the stairs and into the third room on the left.

Stopping, the shadow gazed steadily at the small crib in the corner, soft moonlight playing across the center of the room and spreading out. Silently, the shadow moved closer to the crib, sad cobalt eyes gazing at the little bundle within as he came to the edge. A swift smile went across his lips as he gazed down at the sleeping baby and tugged the blanket over her shoulders, covering her gently. "Daijoubou, fuurin...you'll be taken care of without me..." He whispered softly, eyes saddening.

"But she doesn't want anyone else." A soft voice came from behind Heero.  The blanket-covered figure in one of the chairs at the opposite side of the room stirred, the blanket falling down slightly. Quatre looked over at Heero sadly, intending to keep his distance this time.

Heero looked over sharply at the voice, tense and ready to protect the baby before relaxing. "Quatre? Why are you in here?" He asked softly, frowning in the shadows as he glanced at Quatre.

Quatre shrugged, gazing at the crib sadly.  "It's the only way we can get her to fall asleep at night since you left.  Somehow she sensed you were gone and unless one of us stays with her during the night, she'll cry herself sick.  I should be asking you that question, now shouldn't I?"

Looking away, face cold, Heero gazed down at the sleeping baby. "It was going to happen...and I didn't find a need to stay around. I figured you could handle things better than I." He said softly, not betraying any of his sorrow as he gazed at her.

"In other words, as soon as you felt yourself growing close to her, you ran away." Quatre wasn't at all feeling very charitable at the moment.  It was true; they would have to give Shaina up soon.  But that didn't mean they couldn't enjoy her while they had her...or cause the child undue pain.  "Your leaving didn't make matters better, Heero.  They just made them worse."

"She would have gotten used to it." Heero snapped out coldly before heading for the door silently. "I better get back to my mission. Sayonara."

"I'm sorry Heero." Quatre whispered softly, gazing down at the blanket in his hands.  He felt tears begin to fall, but paid them no heed.  "I'm sorry you were hurt so badly when you were young...but Shaina needs you, even if only for a little while."

Heero stood still, then bowed his head. "No one needs me." He said quietly before leaving.

"That's where you're wrong." Quatre said softly, then looked up. Shaina's eyes slowly opened, a soft whimper escaping her.  Giving soft sniffles, she reached out in the direction of Heero's voice, soft cries coming from her as she sobbed. Stopping at the cries, Heero stared ahead, an unusual feeling welling up within him as he gazed ahead. He turned slightly, then shook himself before resolutely turning away and starting slowly once more to leave. The cries didn't stop. In fact, they increased.  Quatre moved over to the crib quickly, trying to soothe Shaina.  He murmured softly to her, but sensing Heero, Shaina would not be consoled.  She sobbed harder, louder if possible.  She coughed between sobs, her arms reaching out to Heero imploringly.

Heero stopped once again, hand clenching into a fist as he trembled. He stiffened as he heard a soft voice behind him. "Going to abandon the little one like you did before?" He looked over his shoulder and into Trowa's soft green eyes as he watched the Wing pilot. Heero looked away again, eyes sparkling suspiciously as he fought with himself. Trowa frowned as Shaina grew even more upset. Finally, Heero turned back and went hesitatingly into the room and over to the crib. He picked Shaina up gently, whispering softly to her in Japanese as he soothed her; his own face streaked with tears. Trowa came into the room and shut the door behind him before leaning on it, watching silently.

It took a few moments for Shaina to realize who was holding her.  When she did, her sobs lessened considerably, no longer on the verge of making her ill.  Her small fists clutched Heero's shirt, her little head pillowed on his chest as she sobbed softly. Quatre watched, looking over towards Trowa after a moment.  No matter how much Heero tried to deny it, Shaina had worked herself into his heart. Trowa smiled back at Quatre before watching Heero once again. Heero was singing softly once again, his voice hitching suspiciously every now and then as he sang his lullaby to Shaina. Trowa smirked, shaking his head. Whatever could be said, children were always miracle workers in some way...

Shaina finally calmed down, her tiny fists clinging tightly to Heero's shirt.  Every so often she would hiccup, her head pillowed on his chest. Brushing his fingers over the sweaty hair, Heero continued singing softly as he rocked her. He sat down in the chair by her crib and the moonlight revealed a tear-streaked face and eyes filled with loss. Trowa trembled at the look, knowing it well. Quatre felt the same was as he watched silently.  He'd felt the same many times in his life.  Shaking his head, he went over to Trowa, resting his hand on his friend's arm.  He gave a slight smile, then left the room.

Shaina hiccuped a few more times, her eyes drooping as leaned against Heero as he rocked her.  She finally stuck her thumb in her mouth, feeling safe and happy in his arms. Trowa nodded as well and went over briefly to Heero, placing a soft blanket around his friend's shoulders. Heero looked up, eyes shimmering with tears and Trowa smiled down at him, caressing his tears away. Slowly, he leaned his head down and kissed Heero softly before going out of the room. He looked back and smirked as he saw the soft smile on Heero's face before the other boy looked down at the calming baby in his arms.

"Welcome home, Heero." Quatre whispered softly, a smile on his face as he turned and left the two alone. Yawning hugely, Shaina snuggled closer to Heero.  Sticking her thumb back in her mouth, she blinked, finally looking up at him. Trowa followed Quatre out and wrapped an arm around the blond's waist briefly before going to his own room. He felt very happy...

Heero gazed down at the little baby, then laid his cheek against the top of her head and started singing softly again. He rocked her softly, relaxing as he held her to him and sang. Heero's soft lullaby slowly worked its spell over Shaina, her eyes drifting shut.  She gave a soft sigh, pillowing her head on his chest as she fell asleep.  Unlike previous nights, this night was not a fitful sleep, but a happy, contented one. Heero put Shaina back into her crib silently then watched her for a minute, tears rolling down his face. He straightened and walked out of the room, swaying slightly, as he stood in the hall, feeling broken and lost. His eyes traveled to the next door on the right and he inexorably went to it as if drawn. He couldn't stop the tears; memories of his past and his fears were breaking over him like waves. Silently, he opened the door and tried to see through his tears. He froze as he saw blond and chestnut leaning close together and gripped the doorknob, frozen.

"Heero?" Trowa's soft voice floated from the shadowed bed as the youth sat up and gazed at the doorway.

Brushing his blond hair from his face, Quatre sat up as well.  He didn't show any shock on his face or in his voice as he spoke.  "Heero?  Please, come in.  You are more than welcome."

Hesitantly, Heero stepped the rest of the way in and, at Trowa's encouraging nod, shut the door behind him. "I...I..."

"Come into bed, Heero...it gets lonely...yes?" Trowa offered, smiling softly as he saw the tremor run through the Japanese man.

"But it doesn't have to be lonely, Heero.  We're here for you." Quatre said softly, a light smile on his face as he held his hand out to their friend.  He'd sensed the sadness and loneliness in Heero before and it was all but screaming at him now. Heero wrapped a hand around his other arm as he hesitantly came to the bedside. He obediently removed his shoes at Trowa's teasing request then stood watching them with eyes that were lost.

"Come into bed...Heero." Trowa urged softly and shifted back so that there was room while pushing down the covers. Heero looked at them both, asking permission.

"Please Heero?  I think we would both like that very much." Quatre smiled, never dropping his hand as he held it out in invitation.  He wanted nothing more than to cry at the lost look in Heero's eyes, but he refrained.  They had to be strong for him now.

Slowly, hesitatingly, Heero took the offered hand, relaxing at its warmth and strength. 'This is...Quatre...and Trowa. My...friends....' he thought as he slowly went the rest of the way and crawled into bed. He lay stiffly, then relaxed as he felt Trowa's soothing hands running along his back as he slid under the covers between them. He looked up and shivered as Trowa gently wiped his tears away.

"Don't cry...Heero...we are here." Trowa whispered softly, smiling gently.

"That's right, Heero.  We'll always be here for you, my friend." Quatre smiled, touching Heero's cheek softly.  He smiled, brushing the soft brown hair from Heero's eyes. 

Slowly, Heero relaxed as he laid his head down on the pillow. "I'm...sorry...Quatre." He whispered softly, closing his eyes tightly in pain.

Trowa rubbed his friend's arms soothingly as he scooted closer. He smiled as Heero leaned into the comforting presence. 'Interesting...' He glanced at Quatre, then winked.

Quatre noticed the wink but didn't reciprocate as he was right in front of Heero.  "Shhh...it's all right, Heero.  You don't have anything to apologize for." He continued to smile soothingly, brushing light touches along Heero's face and hair, soothing touches to put him more at ease.

"I...do...I was...cruel in what I said...did...." Heero whispered softly, struggling through his words. He shivered, then froze as he felt a soft kiss placed at his neck.

"You were afraid, Heero...any human being is like that." Trowa murmured soothingly.

"That's right.  We've all been afraid, Heero." Quatre smiled, never ceasing his touches on Heero's face.  "Let me tell you something I've never told anyone before.  I'm almost always afraid.  Being afraid is part of being human."

Tentatively, Heero reached out slowly and wrapped his arms around Quatre. "Do you...feel cold?" He whispered softly, relaxing as Trowa wrapped his own arms around Heero's waist soothingly.

"We all are scared and sometimes cold. But...being together lessens it." Trowa said softly, smiling gently.

"That's right.  For a long time I've felt that way myself, until I met you and the others." Quatre smiled softly, wrapping his own arm lightly around Heero as he continued to soothe his friend with light touches.  "Being with those we care about can help drive the coldness and fear away."

"People...we...care about?" Heero asked softly in a tiny voice.

"Yes, Heero...people we care about...or even love." Trowa said softly as he placed a hand on Quatre's hip, rubbing his hip softly.

"Love?" Heero looked at them both, eyes filled with fear and loss.

"Yes, Heero.  Love." Quatre smiled softly, his heart aching at the fear and loss on his friend's face.  "We all have the capacity for love.  And I know...we all love you and care about you."

"Why?" Heero asked flatly, his face becoming impassive.

"Don't close us out, Heero. It will hurt you in the end...and us." Trowa whispered softly as he nuzzled Heero's neck. Heero relaxed as he smiled softly, enjoying the soft touch.

"Trowa speaks the truth, Heero." Quatre sighed, brushing his bond hair from his eyes.  "Why do we love you?  I don't know.  Perhaps for the same reason you so obviously love Shaina.  We see something deep inside you, something warm and caring."

"How can you? I'm dead." Heero said softly, eyes filling with desperate hope and tears.

"If you were dead...then why did you come back, Heero?" Trowa whispered softly as he held them both close.

"I...was so cold...and alone..." Heero whispered softly, shivering.

"But you did come back, Heero.  You came back to love, friendship, and comfort." Quatre said softly, taking Heero's hand and resting it on his warm cheek.  "We love you, Heero.  We not only love you but care about you as well.  You mean a lot to us, and we will always care for you very deeply and wish to be there for you when you need us."

"Even...even..." Heero stopped as he gazed at Quatre, a single tear rolling down his cheek, swiftly followed by others.

"Yes, Heero...no matter what." Trowa whispered softly as he hugged the other boy back against him soothingly.

"No matter what." Quatre said softly, smiling.  He reached out, brushing the tears from Heero's face lightly with his fingertips.  He smiled again, his lips just brushing against Heero's.  "We love you very much and Shaina wasn't the only one sad to see you go."

Eyes saddening, Heero took a shuddering breath. "I'm sorry." he whispered softly and hugged Quatre tightly. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I never...never wanted any of you to get so close...."

"Would you damn us from doing so now?" Trowa asked in soft amusement, smiling as he kissed Heero's neck, then Quatre's cheek, smiling.

"Ah, but that is part of living, Heero.  Getting close to people is what makes us human." Quatre smiled at Trowa, brushing his friend's face as he did the same to Heero.

"I...I don't want to." Heero whispered softly, shivering as he snuggled closer to them both.

"Out of fear of not living through this?" Trowa asked quietly as he laced his fingers with Quatre and smiled at the blond as Heero nodded hesitantly. "But that is part of life...living. You shouldn't stop just because of that." He said softly, smiling as Heero looked up at him in confusion.

"Very true." Quatre smiled softly, taking Heero's hand in his and lacing their fingers together.  "When my father died, I felt the same way.  There was nothing important anymore.  Living wasn't important.  But you know what Heero?" Quatre smiled, kissing the back of Heero's hand.  "There is a little baby girl in that room across the way that is a perfect example of why we should go on living.  So we can love and protect precious ones like her."

"He's right, Heero...and you know it. That is why you have been drawn to her." Trowa said softly as Heero closed his eyes, tears rolling down the tightened face as Heero fought his tears.

"But is it worth it? I...I don't want to get close to someone and then end up...end up...." Heero stopped, shaking.

"End up hurting them with dying? Who says you will?" Trowa asked as he hugged Heero tightly, nuzzling him soothingly.

"Right.  What makes you think we're just going to let you die on us?" Quatre questioned, smiling softly.  He shook his head, hugging Heero just as tightly as Trowa.  "We are all comrades in arms, but more than that, we are friends.  And friends don't let each other die without a fight."

Heero hesitantly hugged them both back, relaxing. Trowa smiled softly as he kissed them both on the cheek. "Together through everything, Heero...always." He said softly and smiled even more as Heero looked up at him warily.

"Absolutely.  As long as we are all together, and strong, nothing can stop us from achieving our goals." Quatre replied with conviction.  "That includes being there for Shaina."

Heero opened his mouth to say something, then was stopped by a gentle finger on his lips. He looked up with tears in his eyes as Trowa smiled gently at him. "No more doubts, soldier. We will do what we can with our fate and live as we wish to...together." Trowa said softly and smiled as Heero smiled under his finger before looking at Quatre.

"Of course we will.  We /are/ Gundam pilots after all." Quatre teased, winking before he reached up and kissed the finger over Heero's lips.  "Just remember, Heero.  We are all friends and we love you very much.  Never forget that." Smiling softly, Heero nodded and laid his head back down onto the pillow. He tightened his hold on the two as he fell asleep, comforted by their warmth and presence.

Trowa smirked, then tugged the covers over them. "We need a bigger bed." He mumbled, smirked as he rewrapped his arms around them.

Quatre couldn't help but chuckle, shaking his head.  "Nah...I like it like this.  Nice and cozy."  He smiled down at Heero, sighing softly.  "Think he'll stay this time?"

"He'd have a hard time leaving from between us, don't you think?" Trowa said before stifling a yawn. "I know I admire women now even more for being able to live after these midnight feedings..." He muttered before snuggling down, hugging them both tightly.

"Midnight feedings...sure.  You stay nestled in bed while I stay up all night with her." Quatre groused good-naturedly before yawning himself and snuggling close to the two.

"Ha...but I'm still awake..." Trowa muttered sleepily as he laced his fingers once more with Quatre's. He smiled softly as he drifted off. "Love...indeed...."

"Go to sleep, Trowa." Quatre smiled at his friend, giving him a soft kiss before finally succumbing to his own need for sleep. A soft snort was his answer from the banged one before Trowa fell deeply asleep. His fingers somehow found Heero's own and laced with his as well while they slept peacefully.

TBC

*note: Fuurin=windchime.